Legend of the Pink Haori, and Other Drabbles
by Rampaging Turtle
Summary: Who's bright idea was it to give Shunsui a flower-covered haori, anyway? Ukitake's, of course! And is that a candy wrapper I see in Hitsugaya's office? A collection of random drabbles.
1. Legend of the Pink Haori

**A/N:** Well... I wrote this a few weeks ago, in a very bored state of mind. So I'm submitting this as my first story ever... Yes, I'm quite proud of myself. Ehem. So, about the drabble... It's just a silly little story about who was to blame for the legendary pink haori that Shunsui is so fond of. And it's first person because I wanted to challenge myself. But if you think it'd be better in third person, then write a review and tell me and I'll change it. That's pretty much it... Oh, and this may or may not be a collection of drabbles. I'll see if I get any more ideas in the next few days. Hope you like it!

**Legend of the Pink Haori**

Picking out a present had never been this difficult for me before.

I stood there in the tiny, family owned store for about an hour, wondering what-the-heck-should-I-get-this-guy until the manager came over with a broom in his hand, using it to lean on as he asked me just what I was looking for.

"Er… Something for a friend's birthday. But I have no idea what to get." Well, actually, that was a lie. I knew exactly what to buy the man, but he was still underage and I was not a lawbreaker. Especially on his behalf, because I had already gotten into enough trouble merely by sitting next to him in class.

"Male?" I nodded in response, half-wondering what was running through the owner's mind. Maybe some things were better left unknown.

The manager looked around, seemingly counting eeny-meany-miney-moe (I could see him squinting and moving his finger very subtly) until he ended up with-- or rather, skillfully chose a dusty box stacked onto a pile of who knows what in the corner.

As we walked over to his selection, I vowed silently that I would simply take it and go. I was getting quite irritated over not knowing what to get this particular person. Usually I had a sixth sense about gift-giving, but in my last coughing fit I must have hacked it up and left it in the sink.

My assistant in gift picking lifted the box and blew the dust bunnies off of it, sending them back onto the pile where we got the box. He pried the parcel open, and when I saw what was inside, I could feel the muscle under my left eye twitching sporadically.

"Oh, sorry, um..."

"Ukitake."

"Yes, sorry, Ukitake-san. I thought that the… well, never mind. But this isn't what I remembered putting here." The middle aged man moved to put back the package, but I shook my head and took it off of the pile once again.

"This is fine. Thank you for your help, sir."

"Yeah_,_ sure. " He seemed puzzled with my contentment, giving me a weird look as I accepted the box.

I handed him whatever money I had in my pocket and walked out with the gift under my arm. Surely, _he_ of all people in Seireitei would find the humor of this…thing_..._ sentimental.

I won't deny it… I was a tad bit nervous as he lifted the lid off of the gift. Though we were friends, the only thing I was sure about him was that he had an addiction to sake… and perhaps sex. Time seemed to drag as he tossed away the top to the box and reached in for the pink haori covered in floral print, and lifted it up, as if he was trying to get a better look at it.

Seconds ticked by, and I stood there, eyeing him nervously.

"Are you trying to suggest that I'm _gay_, Jyuushiro?" Shunsui's face was unreadable, seeing as the haori completely blocked it out from me.

I gawked. He wasn't taking this as I'd planned. "N-no! I just thought that it was, um, funny?" My voice squeaked a little bit, turning my sentence into a question.

I flinched slightly as he threw down the haori back into the box and started… laughing.

"Oh, Jyuu-chan, you should see the look on your face, really," he snickered, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. I resisted the strong urge to laugh and/or slap him for being such a prick sometimes. He'd really worried me; made me thought that I'd insulted him.

" Uh-huh. Now that you've been the source of my heart attack of the day, will you tell me if you like the thing or not?"

"Sure. It's different, and I like it. In fact, it's perfect."

I shrugged, and then paused for a moment. "What do you mean by perfect? For what?"

A wide smile crossed his face, and he slipped it on. "I'm going to wear it instead of that boring white haori Yama-jii gave us." He launched into a series of dynamic poses, the rose colored garment fluttering wildly in a non-existent breeze.

I felt a stress-induced headache coming on. "It looks ridiculous, Shunsui."

"It looks _sexy_. Really, have you no taste? You should get one, maybe orange, or– Hmm? Where are you going, Jyuu-chan?" He'd stopped flexing in time enough to see me sliding open the door.

I waved my hand dismissively. "Nowhere in particular…"

"Then why are you taking your zanpakutou?" He enquired skeptically.

Dammit, he had a point. Which was rare, seeing as the man was in a drunken stupor most of the time.

I wracked my brain for an excuse. "I, uh… training?" I mentally kicked myself as Shunsui's right eyebrow shot up.

He sighed. "Why didn't you just say so?" With no one to watch him, he moved in front of the mirror and began modeling for his reflection. I slipped out of the academy as dusk fell, heading down the street for the second time that day.

No one really seemed to mind when all eighty-seven of the multicolored floral haori disappeared from the shelves of the tiny Rukongai store. Well, no one except Kyoraku Shunsui, that is, who grieved tremendously for the lost "works of art".

Ukitake merely comforted him like a good friend, only allowing himself a small, smug smile while the lamenting man's back was turned.


	2. Invisible Assets

**A/N: **Okay, after some brainstorming via a random word processor, I have come up with a topic for chapter two! Woo-hoo! For clarification, this drabble will make no sense if you don't get where I'm coming from. One, Yoruichi does not need a gigai because she is in her cat form. Two, because she is not in a gigai, she is invisible to the human eye. (omgthatrhymed,lol) And, three, since Yoruichi is invisible, her... business, if you know what I mean, is invisible as well. And I'm having some issues with the lines, to seperate sections of the story, if you noticed it seemed a little jumbled up in the last chapter. So, without further ado, chapter two!

* * *

**Invisible Assets**

If she sat down and thought hard enough, Yoruichi could think of a few good reasons as to why she chose to make her escape as a cat.

Sure, it was sneaky and all; being in the form of such a silent, lithe creature made it easy to venture wherever she pleased. Independence was necessary for the wily Shihouin princess, after all.

And, okay, she had taken to milk even before the thought of being a cat had entered her mind.

Resuming her (naked) human form was quite entertaining, too, especially when the audience had no idea that she existed as anything else besides a cranky, talking feline.

Sitting in the shade of the Urahara Shouten, Yoruichi watched a never-ending flow of people march along the sidewalk in the blistering summer heat.

However, people watching never suited the amber eyed woman. Unless there was something-- preferably amusement-- to follow.

"Yoruichi-san!" A sing-song voice called, and she turned to see Urahara Kisuke peering at her over the top of his fan. "You aren't laying down traps for people again, are you?"

She sighed, and then padded past the blonde shopkeeper through the door. "They can't see it anyway," Yoruichi rasped, leaving Kisuke to stare amusedly at a sidewalk covered in small brown… packages. The crowd continued, oblivious, a few people stepping into the piles.

Ah yes, the fourth and final reason. Since Yoruichi was never truly in a gigai while using her cat form, she was still invisible to the general population. And since she herself was invisible…

"Her _business _is invisible as well," the shady man mused to himself, watching a child stomp through a particularly large mound of the stuff, looking confused as he felt a strange squish under his foot. But, like everyone else, he saw nothing, and so he continued down the path.

* * *

A frowning, orange haired teenager rounded the corner, eyes widening as he caught sight of the feces-covered ground being trodden on carelessly by the people around him.

"_Why the hell is there cat shit all over the ground_?!"


	3. Drunken Inquisition

**A/N: **Thanks to those of you who who decided to leave the starving author some reviews, including PyromaniacGirl, Atemu'sLotus, Shironami, and Kopali. This chapter is for you guys, and it's another Ukitake/Shunsui sorta thing that I wrote a while back. I adore them both so much... Enjoy! Oh, and if you want to see a favored character or something in a drabble, feel free to ask through a review.

* * *

**Drunken Inquisition**

One might be quite surprised to find that despite his lazy, sluggish, and usually drunken appearance, Kyoraku Shunsui was indeed very wise and inquisitive.

At least, while sober.

Ukitake, who was often spotted with the pink haori-wearing taichou had even been caught off guard himself with this sagely half of his whimsical friend on occasion, mostly by questions that he couldn't answer.

They were sitting under a blooming cherry blossom tree one afternoon, and Shunsui was staring serenely at the passing clouds when he suddenly turned around to face his white haired friend and pointed at the sky.

"Sosuke-kun went up there, right?" He was referring to the recent betrayal of Aizen, who had left Soul Society in an attempt to surpass God through science and inhumane experimentation.

Ukitake coughed lightly, slightly put off by his friend's childish choice of words. "Yes, to Hueco Mundo, and you already know the whole story."

Shunsui waved a dismissive hand. "Yes, yes, I know that I know." He sighed impatiently, taking a moment to phrase his words. "Hueco Mundo is to Hell as Soul Society is to Heaven, would you say?"

"I suppose."

"So why is Heaven below Hell?"

Ukitake paused. It was a good question, and he was sure that there was a logical answer somewhere, but right now the solution escaped him. So he settled for sarcasm.

"Soul Society is upside down, Shun. Didn't you know?"

Ukitake was disappointed to see Shunsui visibly brighten at his obvious lie, but another part of him was laughing his ass off.

Seriously.

"Oh, really? So… It only looked like he was rising up, but he was actually going _down_."

"Um, yes. That's right." Jyuushiro blinked. Shunsui looked as if he was genuinely contemplating his words.

"Thank you, Jyuu-chan. Now, I must go tell my little Nanao this amazing news. Who would have thought? Upside down…" Kyoraku rambled as he trotted down the hill, throwing something into the grass that looked suspiciously like a sake bottle.

Ukitake breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe if he was drunk enough Nanao wouldn't laugh as much.

Or it could just make the situation worse. Who knows?

…Certainly not Shunsui.

Especially when he's drunk.


	4. Of Chocolate and War

**A/N:** I'm taking advantage of my sudden burst of creativity and decided to write a little drabble on Hitsugaya, because I know if I don't now this drable series will be completely filled with Uki/Shun stuff. Anyway, hope you like it!

* * *

**Of Chocolate and War**

"Hitsugaya-taichoooooooooouuu!" A bubbly… and half-slurred voice called out, and Hitsugaya looked up only to be surrounded on all sides by what suspiciously felt like his vice-captain's cleavage.

"Masumoto, get off me," he growled, but the energetic woman was already digging around in a bag she'd dropped by the door.

"I went to the human world today, taichou, and I brought something back for you," she chirped, throwing a few things over her shoulder. Most were empty bottles. Hitsugaya noted with a complimentary frown that they once contained either wine or liquor.

Stupidity was imminent.

Sure enough, Masumoto turned around and held out a rectangle covered in silver foil. Hitsugaya had had enough of those shoved into his hands by the thirteenth division captain to know what it was.

Chocolate.

But not just chocolate.

Chocolate… with almonds.

"You're always so grumpy, taichou, and chocolate will sweeten you up a little, hmm?" Several others appeared from the plastic bag and were promptly dumped on the tenth division captain's desk. "It's like sake… But without the hangovers!"

"No thank you." Hitsugaya made sure that every single last confectionary had a nice, cozy spot in his trashcan before staring at Masumoto coldly, hoping she would get the idea and just_ leave_.

No such luck. "I bet you've never even tried it!" She whined, opening a candy bar and breaking off a square. She popped it in her mouth, and Hitsugaya swore that little hearts shone in her eyes.

There was no way in hell that he would put _that_ in his mouth.

After Masumoto had finished her little display of the wonders of sweets, a silence echoed in the office. Her expression visibly fell, and when it had reached the point of a pout, she sighed and picked up a stack of paperwork from the desk where Hitsugaya was working. And then, she sat down at a desk, picked up a brush (she fumbled for a bit with that; Hitsugaya suspected that she hadn't used any sort of writing utensil since her academy days) and actually began writing out a report.

If he didn't have better control over himself, Hitsugaya's jaw probably would have hit the floor.

"Masumoto, what are you doing…?" He inquired after a few moments of watching the spectacle. Surely this had to be a sign of the apocalypse. Or maybe Aizen had hypnotized her. Something had to be done.

"Well, I figured that since you are always so stressed, doing some paperwork would help out a little. Even though eating a comfort food like chocolate would be the easier way, I have to do what's best for my captain--"

Hitsugaya was at her side in a moment, snatching the candy bar from her desk and breaking off another square. Masumoto watched him expectantly as he nibbled off the corner, and then, after making a strained face, popping the entire piece into his mouth.

Somewhere, an eagle crowed.

Hitsugaya lowered his face into the trashcan and spat out the sweets with a look of disgust on his face. "Masumoto, that was terrible... Now that I've tried it, can you please stop doing paperwork and… go out drinking somewhere? Get back to normal," he ordered, and after hearing little protest from his vice-captain, she disappeared out the door towards the eighth division.

Hitsugaya grumbled to himself as he looked down at the report that Masumoto had written in her brief moment of insanity.

_"Taichou, I made you worry, didn't I? It was all_

_for the greater good, trust me!_

_X Masumoto"_

The muscle under Hitsugaya's right eye jumped sporadically.

"MASUMOTO!"

After his anger had calmed exponentially, Hitsugaya sat down and resumed his work. After jotting down a few lines, he glanced at the wastebasket-- empty of anything besides those multi-colored treats. He took one out, peeled off the wrapper, and, allowing himself a tiny smile, bit off a corner of the chocolate.

Not bad. He could grow to like this... chocolate.

Somewhere, Ukitake randomly suffered a fit of hysterical laughter.


End file.
